


The sound of Silence

by embarrassing_myself



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8115970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embarrassing_myself/pseuds/embarrassing_myself
Summary: When Dan moved into his new flat, he absolutely loved it. He quickly finds out though that the adorable couple next door is incredibly loud. It doesn’t seem to matter what time of day it is; they’re always making noise. One day though all that stops and he’s left with nothing but the sound of silence.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Is it too early to start writing holiday stories?

“Alright, that’s the last one,” Dan huffed to himself, dropping the final box to floor. He looked around the flat and he couldn’t help but smile. It was disaster at the moment, boxes and furniture everywhere. But it was his disaster and he was actually proud of it.

 It was nothing major, just a one bedroom flat with the basic living room, bathroom, kitchen set up. The place had these hardwood floors though and Dan’s already fallen in love with them. And the view, well the view is what makes it all worthwhile.

 All he has to do is pull the drapes back and he’s overlooking London. Dan swore he could see the whole city from his modest living room, the buildings, the lights, all of it. The best part was that he did it all by himself. He might have looked ridiculous trying to haul a queen size bed up four flights of stairs but he did it. That was the important part. He doesn’t even want to think about the sofa, he’d gladly block that memory out for the rest of his life if he could.

He closed his eyes and leaned up against the wall, sighing in exhaustion. It was a good kind of exhaustion though, the kind that meant he got something accomplished. Tomorrow he could worry about unpacking and putting everything up. For the moment all he wants to do is eat and pass out on the bed that’s currently still in the living room. “I’ll put it up in the morning,” he mumbled to himself before pulling out his phone and searching for the nearest take out place. It was pretty late out, however it was also London and something had to be open

And sure enough he found something a couple blocks away. If his mother knew he was about to leave the safety of his flat at ten o’clock at night, only to venture out into the frightening streets of London for some Chinese food she would faint. But she’s hours away and that fact sort of made Dan feel alive. He was all on his own and it was exciting and thrilling and terrifying all at once.

He made sure he grabbed his phone, his wallet, and his new key. Everything he shouldn’t leave home without, before closing the door behind him. He’ll grab something to eat, head back home, and probably fall asleep thirty minutes later. The moment he locked up though he hears a high pitched squeal. Dan’s eyes go wide as he tried to figure out what it was.

It only takes a second for Dan to realize what the sound was. Coming up the stairs is a couple, two young men with bright smiles on their faces. One with rich brown hair and in his arms is the other, one with dark black hair. “Bennett stop you’re going to hurt yourself!” The one in the man’s arms giggled. Honestly though Dan is surprised he hasn’t dropped him yet. They’re around the same age as he is, if not they can’t be much older. “I haven’t hurt myself yet, have I?” Says the one with brown hair. They’re both laughing and even in the dim lighting of the hall Dan can see how happy they looked. If he thought he felt alive, he knew for a fact that this couple _was_ alive.  

He didn’t mean to stare but the hallway was pretty narrow and they were kind of blocking the exit. Not that it wasn’t sweet. They looked so in love and for a split second Dan wished he had that. Somebody to laugh with and carry up the stairs. They must have noticed him though because the one with brown hair, Bennett was it, is quickly putting the other down. “Sorry, we didn’t see you there,” he says with a faint laugh, it’s an apologetic tone mixed with something similar to shyness.

The one with black hair gave Dan the same look. “We didn’t mean to block the stairs, didn’t you just move in next door though?” he asks and suddenly Dan feels shy and unsure of himself. He’s never been very good at talking to people, let alone people who look ridiculously happy.

“Yeah I actually just finished getting everything inside, so you live in B15?” He asked, glancing back at his front door. They’re nice, he can see that already. So he wasn’t worried about living next door to them. It would be good to know the neighbors some.

“We do, it’s good to meet you. I’m Phil and this is my boyfriend Bennett, we’re not usually this loud,” he laughed again, holding out his hand for Dan to shake. Dan takes it and the first thing he notices is how bright and sparkly Phil’s eyes were. He’s practically glowing and he’s vibrant and everything about him was screaming ‘ _I’m the kind of person you want to be friends with,’_ and his boyfriend isn’t much different. They’re perfect, the perfect couple and even Dan could tell.

“I’m Dan, it’s nice to meet you too. It’s just me though and I’m pretty quiet in general, so if you hear any loud noises call the police,” he joked. Inwardly though he was groaning and wishing he hadn’t said that. It probably sounded weird or stupid but somehow they both laughed at his response.

“Will do,” Bennet said, grinning back at Dan again. “We’ve been here a couple years and everyone seems fairly decent. We don’t know too many of our neighbors, we’ve never had any problems. Let us know if you need anything alright?”

“Yeah of course, you guys have a good night,” Dan said with a short nod. They wave goodbye and Dan watched as they unlock their own flat and head inside.

Dan was left to muse over his thoughts as he made his way downstairs. They were pleasant, uncommonly pleasant. He got this strange feeling inside of him. It’s not jealously, not really. And it’s not sadness. No, he didn’t have a word for it. Maybe wistfulness? He would love to have somebody to giggle with. Somebody he could be playful around and introduce to the neighbors. He sighed again and tried to push his thoughts aside.

Even after he picked up his food and made his way back home, flopping down on the mattress on the floor, he can’t stop thinking about bright blue eyes and how he’d never seen somebody who looked so…. present before. It made Dan feel like he was missing out on something, maybe it was life or maybe he was missing out on this guy named Phil. He can’t really decide. Either way he did what he could to shut his thoughts off. Tomorrow was going to be a crazy day. He had whole flat to put together and he’s excited and also dreading it.

“Oh we’re not always this loud,” Dan mocked as turned the volume on the television up louder. “I swear to God that’s what they said the first time I met them,” he frowned shaking his head.

PJ shrugged as he leaned further back into the sofa. Dan had lived in his flat for total of two months and he can say, without a doubt, they had been the loudest two months of his life. “They’re literally the loudest people I have ever encountered. They’re always up at three in the morning laughing or dancing, only God knows what else. Or they get some kind of caffeine rush going on and they start rearranging the whole flat at six in the morning.” He wished he could say he was exaggerating but he wasn’t. Sure they were cute and adorable and overall the number one dream team, it was starting to get on his nerves though. “The only time it’s quite is when they’re gone. I didn’t know this place had paper thin walls when I moved in,” he all but growled as he passed the controller to his friend.

“Don’t be too hard on them, they’re just happy is all. If you had somebody you really loved you’d probably be loud with them as well,” PJ mumbled before starting the game over. “The flats amazing, sure you’ve got a bit of a noise problem but you can’t win them all,” PJ pointed out with a shrug. Dan couldn’t help that he was a bit bothered by the fact that his friend was sticking up for some couple he didn’t even know.

“Yeah but that’s not all I hear; I can tell you everything these people do. _Everything_ ,” Dan says, slowing his voice down for emphasize. “I can hear their fucking headboard slamming against my wall at eleven o’clock, every single night, PJ!” Dan knew when they were laughing, when they were dancing, singing, showering, cooking, even having sex. All of it. He could probably write down their whole routine if he just listened long enough.

“Alright well that’s pretty bad, but you said they seemed nice. Maybe just tell them to tone it down a bit? I wouldn’t tell them _everything_ you hear, but I don’t know…try saying that they get a bit loud at night and that you have to get up early or something. That would probably work.”

Admittedly it’s a good idea, every time Dan sees them they smile and wave, they’re friendly enough for Dan to approach. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It would be unbelievably awkward and he’s sure they’d be offended. So even with is friend’s good advice, Dan knew he couldn’t say anything. He wasjust complaining. “Yeah, maybe, we’ll see,” he mumbled as he went back to watching PJ play.

It wasn’t long though before his neighbors were turning on some kind of sappy song from the 50’s. Dan and PJ could clearly hear the piano keys chiming through the walls, they couldn’t make out the words but the melody wasn’t hard to figure out.

  
 Then came the sound of feet shuffling around on hardwood floors. He closed his eyes in annoyance before looking back at the other. “Why don’t we just go get something to eat? It’s already late and we haven’t had anything today,” PJ offered setting down the controller. Dan knew it was his way of trying to calm him down, to keep him from blowing up or something. Or worse, banging on the walls and demanding for them to shut up.

“Yeah, food sounds good. Let’s get out of here,” he huffed as he moved to turn everything off. He didn’t know how much longer he could do this without losing his mind. Maybe the complex had another place available? He just wants them to be quite. He gets that they’re in love and they are actually enjoying life but if they could do it without being so damn loud Dan would be extremely grateful.

 

Dan had been lying in bed for the last hour or so staring up the ceiling. He’d long since shut down his computer and put his phone on the charger. He wasn’t asleep though, he was listening to the sound of the headboard once again slamming against his bedroom wall. His eyebrows were narrowed and he was getting pissed.

 

 It was every night they did that, every single night for the last five months.  And he wasn’t just mad because he, himself, wasn’t getting any. It was frustrating when he actually did have something to do in the morning. Finally, he sat up, a snarl on his face as he raised his hand, so close to slamming it against the wall. He caught himself though and whispered, “ _shut the fuck up”_ over and over again in his mind. They couldn’t hear him but he wished they could. Eventually the sounds stop and he could get some sleep. When he’s awake he could keep himself from thinking about dark black hair and blue eyes, in his dreams though? That’s a whole different story.

* * *

 

It had been about six months and he had just kind of accepted his neighbors at that point. They’re lovely people who are deeply taken with each other. They sung at odd hours, they danced to old music, they laughed loudly all day long, they cooked together, they showered together, and they would always wave when they would see him.

Sometimes they would make small talk but other than that, Dan didn’t have much to do with them. He didn’t know if he had given up or if he’d just finally learned how to tune them out. Either way he’d stopped being so frustrated at them all the time. He even found himself smiling when he heard them dragging a Christmas tree into the flat. They were having some kind of disagreement over the tinsel and Dan could only laugh. He was kind of invested in their lives now.

He was busy with his own life as well though. He was holding down a pretty good job as a waiter. It wasn’t wonderful or anything, but he enjoyed the people and he’d learned how to balance four plates at once. Not only that but he was making videos, just kind of documenting his life in London. He posted them on the internet and they were starting to get a lot more views recently. Life was as good as it could get. He was going home for the Holidays in a few weeks and starting to look forward to it, he’d stopped hating his neighbors, his job was as somewhat enjoyable, and his hobby was actually taking off.

Dan sighed as he flopped down on the sofa, a hot coffee in his hand. It was around eight in the morning and Phil and Bennett were wrapping gifts. He could hear them giggle over the wrapping paper, or maybe it was the tape but they were having fun and for some strange reason Dan felt connected to them. Like he was right there having fun with them as well.

As it gets closer to Christmas, Dan starts getting cards in the mail. Just the typical holiday ones. Some from his aunts and uncles and some from his cousins who can’t make it up to see him. He discovers that he’s gotten one from the next door neighbors even. The thing is though, is that Dan doesn’t like opening up cards before the actual holiday. It feels like cheating because you know never know which one is going to have a gift card inside or a twenty-pound note. So he stuffs them all in a drawer and promises himself to open them afterwards.

Eventually he managed to take two weeks off from his job and catch a train home. He couldn’t describe how good it felt to be home. His own family had decorated for the season and it was overall really comforting and nostalgic. His mother had made a turkey dinner and the smell was wafting into the living room. He’d helped his father collect all the wrapping from the gifts they opened a couple hours ago. Together they shoved it all in big trash bag. Afterwards Dan offered to brave the snow storm to take it out to the bin for them. It had been a good week home and even though he was going back tomorrow he knew he was going to miss his family.

For one more night he sank down into his bed in his old room. The whole house was silent and Dan did sort of enjoy it. He could hear the still of the night, no cars, no next door neighbors, just silence. It was the absence of people and city life, it helped him fall asleep.

He had an early ride home tomorrow, usually he’d just take a train but his parents were sending home so much stuff that they’d offered to drive him back, even if it was two hours away. Of course though he had to give his parents a tour of his flat first. Dan was glad he’d remembered to tidy up and do some cleaning before he left for the holiday.

His mum and dad helped him drag everything inside and they didn’t even complain about how it was four flights of stairs. “It’s so nice, Love! You’ve done a good job keeping it picked up but I think you need to decorate a bit more; the walls look so empty,” his mother said as she started putting his leftovers in the fridge. She’d sent home enough food for a week after Dan told her he missed home cooked meals. Of course that only lead to her insisting to drive up in a couple months to help him cook and apparently decorate the walls some more.

 They eventually said their goodbyes and they promised to see each other soon. A couple minutes later they were out the door and Dan was alone again. Something was different though. It was quite, he couldn’t hear Phil and Bennett next door like he usually could. He frowned for a minute before shaking his head. They were probably gone for Christmas as well. He was sure that in a couple days they’d be back and they’d be just as loud as ever.

A couple days passed and he still couldn’t hear anything. It was kind of unnerving. He’d lived in his flat for six months and every day these people have made sounds, for the last five days though he hadn’t heard anything He was assuming that they were still away on holiday and he tried not to think too much about it. He’d never imagined silence would be so weird. He’d gotten along just fine at his parents’ house; it shouldn’t have been much different but it was. The quite was loud and Dan had to turn on his own television to think straight.

Two weeks passed and Dan was starting to wonder if they had moved out. His heart sunk at the thought because he was really starting to like them. He didn’t really _know_ them but he felt like he did. With paper thin walls he’d learned so much about them. Probably more than he ever needed to know, on some level he felt like they were part of his life.

Suddenly though, out of nowhere one night, he could hear the tv next door turn on. So they didn’t move out after all? But someone is turning it up louder and louder. It’s never been on so loud that Dan could perfectly make out what show was on and what’s happening.

It’s strange and he’s almost pissed off about it. “So you’re going to refuse to make any sounds for two weeks and then suddenly turn the tv on full blast?” he asked out loud? “What the fuck?” he muttered before grabbing his headphones and plugging them into his laptop. He was confused and it was almost eerie, he’d also just been relieved to hear some sounds from them at all. It was about an hour or so later when the tv next door shut off and the whole place goes silent again.

Weeks passed like that. It wasn’t the dead eerie silence like it was before but the laughter is gone, the sounds of feet shuffling together is gone. Dan rarely heard the shower anymore. It was like a completely different person had moved in next door and replaced the happy couple. Sometimes he heard somebody moving around and every once in a while they’d turn the television on but it wasn’t like it was that one night. It’s a soft hum and it never gets all that loud.

He was learning to adjust to the new silence but it was confusing to say the least. Dan couldn’t figure out what had happened. The day he left to go on his holiday they were being they're same loud selves, when he comes back though he was met with nothing expect silence.  
  
Either way there wasn’t a whole lot he could do about it. He could go over there and demand to know why everybody was so damn quite but that would be strange too. He just had to accept that they aren’t loud anymore. Maybe somebody else complained, like the person on the other side of them? Dan didn’t know but he hopes things will go back to normal soon.

A couple months passed and still nothing. He knew people were still living there so it’s not like he thought something awful happened. But it wasn’t like it once was. He’d come in from work and it would be hours before he heard anything. And when he did hear something it was soft and faint. He heard the heater kicking in or somebody quietly walking from one end of the room to the other.

It was February and it was bitter cold outside, Dan had rushed inside his flat and stripped out of his jacket.  He was thankful for the next couple of days off but he imagined they’d be a little nicer if the weather would just warm up some. It took a bit before he was situated. The groceries were put up, he’d gotten his shoes off, he’d finally started to warm up some, and he’d gotten his computer open.

 He was just about to do some browsing. All that changed though when he heard a crash from next door. It made his heart speed up and he was jumping off the sofa. It wasn’t a little crash, not like somebody dropped a mug but a big one and he could hear glass shattering.

He didn’t know what made him do it, he’s not thinking. Instead he was running out of his own flat and over to B15, knocking loudly on the door. “I heard a crash…is everything okay? Should I call the police?” He called out, knocking again. It was unusual but more than anything Dan was just worried. It had been so weird over there lately and then this loud sound. He just wanted to make sure everybody was alright.

For a long time though nobody answered the door. Dan was actually considering calling the police when finally, he heard the door being unlocked.  It was Phil but something was very different about him. “Hey, everything okay?” Dan asked softly.

“Sorry, I broke a mirror,” Phil mumbled. Dan decided that it was his eyes. They were dull in comparison to a couple months ago. They didn’t sparkle and the vibrant blue was replaced by a hazy version. He was paler than before and he hardly looked alive. “Everything is fine though,” Phil said and even his voice was different.

Dan didn’t mean to look behind Phil, he couldn’t help it. The first thing he noticed was the Christmas tree. It was February but they hadn’t taken it down yet. Dan was lazy by default but two months seemed like a long time to keep everything put up like that. Not only that, he was pretty sure he spotted some unopened gifts. Not just a couple but they were piled under the tree when he looked more carefully at it.

“Alright well I was just checking,” Dan smiled. As he was about to go back home he decided to throw one more thing in. “Better tell Bennett to get that tree down huh? He’s slacking,” Dan joked and gave Phil a small laugh. But the look on the other’s face is ghostly and shocked. It was close to panic and devastation. Dan stuttered, trying to ask Phil what was wrong. Before he could get the words out tears were falling down Phil’s face and he looked so broken.

Dan was starting to panic now because he didn’t know what he did. He didn’t know why Phil was crying or what happened but if he could take his joke back he would. “Phil what’s wrong, what did…I was just kidding…I’m...can I…” he trailed off as he admitted defeat.

“No, no it’s okay, I’m just struggling right now. It’s hard, he’s not around and I’m just not ready to take it down,” Phil mumbled as he tried to control his silent tears. Dan had a sinking feeling in his stomach and he didn’t want to ask, he had to though.

“Where is he?” He muttered and he almost already knew the answer somehow. Phil stared at him for a moment before staring back at the floor. The hall way wasn't really heated and he was getting cold. It felt like time had slowed down for not just him but Phil as well.

“He passed away a couple months ago, I was expecting it but…at the same time it was sort of sudden,” Phil whispered and Dan didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know he was sick; he didn’t look sick. In fact, it was hard to tell that somebody was ill when they were laughing all the time. Suddenly all he could think about was how badly he felt.

“Phil, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I never would have said something like that, I Just-I had no idea,” Dan fumbled over his words once again. How do say sorry for a comment like that though? Of course he didn’t know but he can’t imagine how Phil felt about it and now he feels like shit for saying anything to begin with.

“It’s not your fault, don’t be upset. You didn’t know,” Phil said while trying to dry his eyes some. He wasn’t really crying anymore but the sad look was still there. Dan wondered if it was ingrained in his soul now because if somebody he loved died he figured he might be sad forever. “I want to take the tree down, but we never got to open gifts. I know that it’s not going to happen but if I open the gifts he’s really gone. It means he’s not going to come back and-and,” Phil shuddered as he struggled to get what he wanted to say out. “And it’s the last thing he’ll ever give me you know? It’s the last surprise I’ll ever get from him. I’m not ready.”

Phil and him had never talked like that before, well nobody had ever talked to Dan about death exactly but regardless. Him and Phil have talked about the weather, they’ve talked about the view, and they’ve said hello countless times. But they hadn’t ever truly talked. Then suddenly Phil was pouring himself to the other. The words were awful and Dan doubted he’d ever hear something so heartbreaking again.

 He just didn’t know how to help. He knew he had to though. “We could put them up if you wanted, I mean until you’re ready,” He offered, not sure how Phil would feel about it. He understood that they couldn’t be thrown away but they also couldn’t be opened. “Maybe it would be better than having them out all the time? I don’t know, I’m just saying stuff, I’m sorry. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through but if there is anything I can do I’m right here.”

Phil didn’t hesitate though; he quickly took Dan up on the offer. “Could you help me put them up? I’ve thought about it. I just haven’t wanted to do it by myself. Would you really help me though?”

That was how he found himself in B15, on his hands and knees trying to figure out how to shove twenty or so presents into a tiny built in storage space. It was hardly practical and he imagined they just added it in for show. While Phil was trying to keep it together though Dan was carefully sliding one box in after the other. It was a tight fit but he eventually managed to pack everything nicely up for Phil.  
  
 “I asked him if he wanted to open them early and of course he said no. Then a couple weeks before Christmas we went to the hospital. I told him I could bring them up and we could open them together in his room. He said no, he wanted to wait until we got home,” Phil whispered. It was like he felt the need to explain himself.

Time passed and somehow Dan managed to become Phil’s anchor to the world. It wasn’t planned and Dan isn’t exactly sure how it happened. But when dead silenced turned into sobs at three in the morning, Dan was over there in less than five minutes. He wasn’t wearing shoes, his hair was a mess, and he was a bit too sleepy to be making coffee but he was doing his best. He’d do anything to find that echo of life he once saw in Phil.

In the beginning he thought he knew everything about Phil and Bennett. It turned out there were a million more things to learn. They danced every chance they got because Phil loved it so much. And they both knew that one day there wouldn’t be anyone there to dance with him. They laughed because they wanted to enjoy every possible second together, they sang so Phil would never forget the sound of his voice, they lived loudly and vibrantly because time was so short.

He was learning more about Phil every day. He’d said on a number of occasions that laughing felt like betrayal. So most of the time they didn’t laugh. Sometimes they just talked over coffee, other times they went over to Dan’s to play video games. Sometimes they sat on the sofa and he let Phil be sad. He was trying his best to the be person Phil could lean on.

Phil’s parents had never approved of him being gay, so they’d stopped talking a long time ago. He couldn’t go to them because he knew he’d never get any sympathy from them. Bennett only had his father and he’d passed away a couple years ago. When it came down to it, Phil didn’t have anybody to turn to. Dan stepped up though. Even if they spent three hours at the kitchen table while Phil stared down into his coffee, he didn’t mind.

He also learned about how Bennett had been sick for a long time. Eventually he decided that he was tired of painful treatments, doctors, and hospitals. He wanted to be happy for as long as he could. He was always trying to pick Phil up, and for a long time he could. There came a day though he couldn’t anymore and Phil was too afraid he’d hurt himself trying. It made him think back to the first night he ever seen them.

 “He just got tired quicker, I’d’ have to push him to eat more. We knew he wasn’t doing well but it happened so fast. We were in the hospital for three weeks and he couldn’t hold on anymore,” Phil mumbled before closing his eyes. These are the hardest types of things to hear but Dan listens anyway.

The months pass and it was getting warm outside. Dan was itching to drag Phil out into the sunshine but he has to catch him on a good day. Yes, he was starting to have good days again. He’d even managed to make him laugh a couple times.  
  
He stares into Phil’s eyes sometimes and tries to find the life. It’s there, he has to drag it out of him, but he knows it’s there. “It’s so nice outside, let’s just go for a walk, a small one, please…for me?” Dan begged. With a heavy sigh, Phil agreed. Even if Phil complained at first, by the end of their walk he felt much better. They’re getting closer. In fact, they were spending almost all their time together. If Dan wasn’t over at Phil’s, Phil was over at his place.

Dan’s mother did come back like she said she would. Dan introduced her to Phil, afterwards he’d quickly ushered her back home. For the first time in forever, Dan wanted her to teach him how to cook something decent. He wanted to learn how to make soup, and chicken, and pasta, and all the comfort foods he knew Phil needed. They spent her whole visit in the kitchen that day. He knew it was worth it when Phil’s eyes lit up at the sight of homemade chicken soup.

Sometimes there was this guilt though. A guilt deep in Dan’s stomach that he couldn’t shake. It usually happened when Phil was curled up into his side, his head on Dan’s chest as he drifted off to sleep. It was like he was stealing Bennett’s boyfriend. But you couldn’t steal a dead guy’s boyfriend…could you?

It wasn’t like Phil even seen like him that. Sure sometime Phil would reach for his hand while they took their daily walk and they were finding themselves falling asleep next to each other more often. Phil had actually tried to coordinate Dan’s outfit for him when they went out to the movies. And Dan actually _let_ Phil do that for him

It was platonic though, that’s all it could be. He couldn’t risk shaking Phil’s foundation when it was so cracked and unsteady at the moment. He could slowly see this spark of something coming back to Phil. He didn’t look so sad all the time. He was actually drinking his coffee instead of staring down into it. He even laughed more. He wasn’t there yet but Dan was starting to remember the person he’d met almost a year ago. 

* * *

 

He was sitting in Phil’s living room, scrolling through the other’s phone while he waited for the him to finish up the dishes. That was when he stumbled across a playlist in his music. “What’s with all this 50’s music on your phone?” Dan asked, frowning in confusion at the list. He knew Phil liked all kinds of music but he was more into Muse, things like that.

“It’s for dancing,” Phil called back, turning the tap off in the sink. “I don’t just listen to it because,” he said rolling his eyes.

 There was a realization between both of them though that this was the music Phil and Bennett had danced around the flat to. All those nights Dan had hissed and complained about the music and the dancing, they were just trying to make memories. “I haven’t listened to any of it in a long time.”

“Oh,” Dan said softly. “Sorry, I didn’t…I was just being nosy, I shouldn’t be snooping around your phone,” Dan said and quickly put Phil’s cell down. Phil only smiled at him, a certain look in his eyes that Dan couldn’t recognize. He grabbed the phone that Dan had hurried to put down and started to go through it.

“Do you know how to dance, Dan?” he asked gently. Dan could feel his face heating up some but he gave Phil a knowing look before shaking his head. “Come on, everyone can dance. It’s not that hard.”

“ _I_ don’t know how, at least not a slow dance. Not any kind of dancing, especially not a slow one,” Dan frowned. It didn’t seem to matter though because Phil was picking out a song and turning it on. It sounded familiar, only the beat of it. He was sure it was one he’d heard from the other side of the walls.

“I’ll teach you, it’s a slow dance, it doesn’t take a lot of effort. Come on, please Dan? I’ll even let you lead,” Phil teased but Dan could see the pleading behind his smile. He couldn’t ever say no to that.

“I’m going to mess it up, I’m warning you now,” he mumbled as he hauled himself off the sofa and stood awkwardly. That was until Phil grabbed his hands and placed them on his waist while his own arms draped around Dan’s shoulders.

And of course Dan stepped on Phil’s feet more times than he could count. Eventually he managed to get the hang of it. They danced until Dan was confidently leading Phil around the living room, both of them laughing by the end of it. Slowly their laughter died down and they simply shared soft looks. Dan felt his stomach flip as Phil rested his head against his shoulder, moving closer now. They stopped their steps and opted on swaying slowly. “This feels good,” Phil sighed as he closed his eyes. “It’s been so long.”

It was almost midnight but it was still hot outside. They’ve probably had too much to drink, they’re laughing and playfully shoving at each other. It’s too warm to be wresting but Dan is on the better side of tipsy and he can’t even feel the uncomfortable hardwood under his back. “Just because your taller doesn’t mean your stronger,” Phil laughs while he’s got Dan pinned to the floor.

He doesn’t know what comes over him. Maybe it’s how close Phil is or how red his lips look stained with wine. Or how beautiful his eyes are. Before Dan could stop himself he’s leaning up and pressing his own lips against Phil’s. He was surprised when Phil didn’t pull away, instead he deepened the kiss, running his tongue across Dan’s as they both let something deeper take over.

Things were somewhat different now. The hand holding isn’t so platonic. The shared cuddles mean more and he’s grown to know exactly how wonderful Phil’s lips taste. They’re both treading carefully though. Phil’s working on being whole again and Dan’s doing all he can to make that possible. But he doesn’t want to hurt Phil and he knows to be delicate and gentle and give him time and space if he needed it.

There is still a big part of Dan that feels guilty. Sometimes he felt like a homewrecker, like he’d moved in and stolen something that didn’t belong to him. He wished could talk to Bennett and ask him what he thought. If this was okay or not. After he goes home for the night, Dan sometimes lets himself think. If Bennett wasn’t gone, Phil would still be with him. It would still be them laughing behind the wall instead of him and Phil.

Dan ushered Phil onto the train, making sure they found their seats before grabbing onto his hand again. They were going home to see Dan’s parents. Phil had meet them before but this time it would be in a more family setting. His brother would be there and he knew his parents would insist on everyone going out to eat. Overall Dan was exited, Phil just looked nervous. “They know your gay right, that I’m also gay and we’re not exactly friends?” he asks, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater.  
  
  
“Yes, Phil. I promise, they know that I like guys and I’m bring you over not just as my ‘guy friend.’ They end up having a great time though despite Phil’s fears. Dan’s mother is loving, his farther is friendly, and his little brother asks too many questions and makes too many jokes about Dan. Somehow him and Phil start conspiring against him and end up seeing who can come up with the best insults.

* * *

 

When they get back things slowly start to change again. His closet is full of not only his clothes but Phil’s too. His shower has got new shampoos and soaps, the flat is filled with candles and somehow house plants as well. Slowly but surely the two flats are being combined. Phil’s got his stuff everywhere and Dan would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. “Help me hang this, I think it’s going to look good right here,” Phil hummed as he grabed a nail and hammer.  
  
“What is it?” Dan asks inspects the painting. He’s holding it up for Phil and helping him figure out where to put it. 

“What do you mean, it’s a picture, it goes on the wall,” Phil laughed as he rolled his eyes back at Dan. Dan huffed and gave him a smirk in exchange.

“I know that but what is it a picture of? It’s just a bunch of crazy colors,” he said as he inspects it further.  
  
  
“Dan, it’s just art. It’s not anything, or maybe it’s something I don’t know, help me hang it though and we’ll decide later.”

It was getting closer to Christmas and Dan could tell it was starting to bother Phil. He stayed on the sofa more and he was once again staring down into his coffee. He’s not drinking it; he’s just looking at it. Like it might have all the answers in the world.

Dan had always loved Christmas but this year he too feels the weight of Phil’s sadness.  He tried though to make sure Phil was okay. He’d drape blankets over them when he didn’t want to get up, he’d cook homemade meals when Phil was far too silent, and he would play songs off Phil’s playlist if it was a particularly hard day.

They didn’t get a Christmas tree, it’s not something either of them wanted. Maybe next year but the pain is too raw still for Phil. They even decided not to wrap anything. Instead everything was placed neatly in decorative bags and sat out in the living room for when it was time to open them. It was Christmas Eve when he convinced Phil to let them open one gift at least.

They picked out a single gift for the other and exchanged them. For Dan it was fuzzy gray electric blanket. “We both know this is an _‘us’_ gift,” Dan laughed before leaning in and kissing lightly at Phil’s cheek.  He was sure that by next week Phil would be snuggled under it as well. “Thank you though, it’s perfect.”  
  
  
Phil’s gift was even better, at least Phil thought so. It was a festive candle set with holiday scents. Things like Winter Snow and Frosted Cranberries. “I love it!” Phil exclaimed, having to take each one out to sniff at them. “I want to light one right now, do you have a lighter?”

“I think I have one in the desk drawer, you can look. If not I know where a book of matches is,” Dan says, his smile growing at how happy Phil looked.

And like that Phil was up and searching the desk. “Uh, Dan? Why do you have a bunch of Christmas cards in here?” He asked, holding one up.  
  
  
“Oh! Wow, I guess those are from last year, I didn’t open any, I was going to wait until I got back from my parents. I forgot all about them.” Dan liked to wait to open his cards but Phil had already opened all the new ones he got this year. “I think I even got one from you last year. I can’t believe I forgot to open them, damn. I bet all my gift cards expired.”

“We didn’t send cards out last year,” Phil said a bit quietly, giving Dan a strange look. It was weird because Dan was almost certain he’d gotten one. “You probably just looked at the return address wrong, anyway, I’m going to go find the matches. You better open these and check!”

“Yeah, hopefully I’ve got a couple more weeks left on them,” Dan mumbled as he gets up to search the drawer himself. There were five in total, one from his grandparents, one from his aunt and uncle, two from his cousins and one from B15, just like he knew there would be. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure Phil had left the room before slowly starting to tear at the sealed paper.

He was almost frightened because Phil had said this hadn’t come from them. It had next doors address printed clearly on it though. For a moment he considers throwing it away but that feels wrong too. “Maybe it was some kind of mix up?” he mumbled to himself. He doesn’t see how but he’s going to assume it is.

When he pulled the card out of the envelope it’s got a picture of some kind of snowy forest. It’s a fairly typical Christmas card. There isn’t anything out of the ordinary about it. In gold font it’s got the words _‘Seasons Greetings’_ on it. He frowns again as he flips it open. What’s written in it gives him chills. It’s enough to makes his eyes start to water and he wants to hurry and close it.

_“We’re wishing you the best this holiday, Dan! We don’t know a lot of people around the complex so you’re the only one we’re sending a card to! And by we, I mean me. Phil doesn’t know you’ll be getting this, please keep it just between us. I haven’t been feeling well recently, I know it might sound over dramatic but if anything happens please make sure Phil is okay. I know it’s asking a lot and I know we don’t know each other very well but if you could make sure he doesn’t get too lonely it would mean a lot to me. Check on him from time to time? We don’t have a lot of family and I worry about him. Happy Holidays.”_  


It’s signed by Bennett and Dan has to keep himself from dropping the card. He rushes to shove it back in the drawer, not even bothering to glance at the gift card tapped inside. Dan forced himself to take a few deep breaths as he tried to compose himself. It only takes a couple. Carefully he pulled it back out and was rereading it to make sure he’d gotten it right.

 At first it was shocking but slowly he starts to comprehend it. The guilt starts to lift and he smiles down at the writing left inside. It’s heartbreaking, yet he also feels so much closer to the brown haired man. It was written over a year ago, still it felt like the other man was right there, asking him to take care of Phil.

Dan felt like they have some kind of understanding between them. Bennett is gone but Dan can’t explain it, it’s like he knows Dan is doing is doing his best and that he’s not mad or upset. He didn’t assume that Dan rushed in to steal his boyfriend.  It was almost like getting Bennett’s approval. “Everything okay?” Phil asks from around the corner. The sound made him jump and once again he’s rushing to hide the card.  
  
“Yeah, yeah everything is fine. Um, can I talk to you for a second?” Dan asked. There was something he wanted to do, but he couldn’t do it without Phil.

“What’s wrong?” Phil’s tone is nervous and uncertain and bad news is the last thing he can handle right now. It’s nothing like that.

“Do you remember how we put the presents away, like the ones from you and Bennett last year? I think that maybe you should open them. I feel like he’d really want you to.” Dan half expects Phil’s mouth to fall open or for him to burst into tears, maybe even start yelling. He doesn’t do any of that though.

“I was thinking about that too actually. It hasn’t been an easy year and I don’t know what I would have done without you to pull me up. Sometimes it’s still hard. I wish I could show you how much you’ve done for me. I think I’m ready now though. I want to open them.”

Once again Dan was back on his hands and knees carefully pulling out the presents from last year. They looked exactly how they did when he put them up. “Is it bad that I can’t even remember everything I got him. I mean I know some of the bigger things but there is so much more I can’t remember,” Phil said sadly.

“It’s alright, I know he’d understand,” Dan said as he pulled the last one out. In a sense it _is_ one last surprise. They are the last _‘tangible’_ things he’ll get from this man. But nobody can take away the memories or the things they learned together, not the life experiences or the things you grow from.

Sometimes in a relationship, you resent the people your partner has been with. This is the exact opposite for Dan. All he can feel is gratefulness. When he first seen Phil he was full of life and having the chance to make him happy as well is probably the biggest most meaningful gift anyone could ever give him.

They don’t open the presents that night. They decided that it was better to wait until morning when they open everything else. Afterwards Dan’s parents will be by and they’ll do another gift exchange. For the moment though they’re sitting on the sofa under Dan’s new electric blanket as they whisper and hold each other tight. Phil knows that in a couple weeks he’ll have to return the key to flat B15. It’s bitter sweet but he’s ready. Dan will have another set of house keys made to B14 instead.

All he can hope though is that whoever lives in flat B15 understands why they’re loud. He hopes that when they hear feet shuffling across the floor in the morning or hears them singing out of tune, or laughing at midnight, they understand that they’re making as many memories as they can.


End file.
